I feel like my heart is a constant anxiety attack and clawing and peeling my veins to only burst from my torso. I’m dying. I can’t do this to myself anymore. I can’t. I hurt myself again, and I haven’t in so long. I don’t want to be this way again. I don’t want to become a new person. I want to be me. My heart is reeling. It won’t stop. You can’t even keep a promise for a day. My heart froze everytime I saw you. Hopeing Praying that you would come up to me and just say hello. Just to see how I’m doing. I feel humiliated. Defeated. Betrayed. Unloved. Lonely. Ugly. Disgusting. Not worth anything. I want to love you again, why couldn’t you see that in my eyes back at our spot? Why couldn’t you remember what you said yesterday? How you said, “why is you’re heart is beating so fast?” And, embarassed, I said “I don’t know.” I wanted to shout, I love you Jonny. I miss you so fucking much. I miss the way you kissd me, hurt me, loved me. I miss that sexy smile of your’s and I can’t stand you flaunting it with other people who aren’t worthy. Was I ever worthy? I guess not. Even after I gave you so much yesterday, you couldn’t keep that promise, or even talk to me. My heart is ill. Please stop using it to your advantage. I fucking love you. Always. Stop killing me.